My days and nights with Mag went on for nearly ten years. And we were basically happy and did not need anything or someone else if only Mag wasn’t sick. Sickness, human’s vulnerability I hate the most. If only they could live long like The Shades, that damn sickness would not destroy us like an earthquake. Mag needed to stay in the hospital if she wanted to prolong her chance of survival, but she refused. It was really painful to see her suffering from the sickness but there was nothing I could do.
“Let me just enjoy these last days with you,” that’s what she said every time I begged her to go.
We tried to make the most of our times together as we both know the end was near. And one night, she decided to come to this lake, our lake. She was gasping for air when we arrived, but still managed to smile when I revealed myself.
“Hi, Odd,” she lifted her right hand to touch me.
It felt unusually cold.
For a moment we didn’t say anything. We were just sitting there by the still waters, busy with our thoughts.
“What’d happen to you when I die?” she asked all of sudden. I knew she’d ask this question but I was not prepared still.
“I’d be transferred,” that was all I could say.
“To human? That could be me again then,” she concluded.
I didn’t say anything, as I know that wouldn’t be possible. The probability to be born to the same person again when you failed to find your partner before your human die is nearly zero. The Shades believe this as a curse, a first-degree curse that could only be broken by assigning the failed Shades to a different and completely new human. There’s no way I would be together with Mag again.
“It’s not the death that scare me, Odd. It’s the loneliness. The feeling of being forgotten,” she added after a long sigh. And that was her last words to me. I had to wait until the sun was up when finally a passer-by found her body on the bench. I stayed with Mag, attached to her cold body, until the very last moment when she was buried.
I know Mag had been struggled with loneliness her whole life, and I felt like part of if was my fault. If I didn’t look at her when she’s sleeping, if I didn’t listen to her when she talked, if I were serious enough to find my Evenity, maybe she would never found out about my existence and would be considered normal to other humans. Mag’s life had filled the void inside me but her death had replaced it with guilt. And for that reason, I decided to stay in Abscissus. I knew that my small rebellion had caused an imbalance in the cycle so I hid my self from the other Shades. I was aware though that they would find me soon enough but I’d try to buy my time, as long as I could.
You might say that I should have just crossed and moved on. Maybe I’d find my partner in my second attempt in Abscissus. But being reborn means a fresh start, leaving all the memories of Mag and me, forgetting who I was and what I felt. I didn’t want Mag to feel forgotten, like she was always afraid of. So here I am every night instead, sitting on the bench by the lake when the night was thick. Looking at the deep waters in front of me. Thinking of what once I had with Mag. For whatever it’s called, whatever it’s worth.