Ever since that confession night, we spent more time together. Not just together like we used to, me attached to her body, but together like two humans or two Shades, didn’t matter which one. Most of the times we’d go to the lake between two hills near her place. A quite place where we would sit on the bench and stare at the still water in front of us. She’d look at the vast of the lake and thought of things, while I’d be looking at her.
Sometimes we’d go when the nights were thick, when there were no lights except from the stars, so none would notice that she’s actually having a conversation with her own shadow. Although Mag didn’t always tell me things, I knew most of the things about her. I knew, for one, that Mag also shared my unfortunate of not finding a partner. I wouldn’t say she’s really trying to find one actually. She’s been in a few dates but she’s quite sceptical with this sort of thing.
“I don’t think human is capable of that,” she said one of those nights.
“Human is a self-centred species. They yearn solitude every now and then. Soulmate, whatever it is we call it, it’s not for us,” she added.
There was a pause. We heard nothing except for the sigh of the wind.
“But maybe you’ll have a better luck in your world,” you forced a weak smile.
“Do you think you will find your soulmate in my world, Mag?” I asked quickly, pretending that it was nothing.
“As if you believed you’d find your Evenity in my world,” she laughed at her own words.
“Evenity or not, I found you here,” I said.
And then she gave me that look. The stop-this-nonsense look whenever I joked about staying with her for lives. I didn’t joke honestly. I wanted to be here with Mag. I wouldn’t cross to The Ordinant unless Mag was with me, which was not an option. So instead, I did anything to cut off any chance of meeting my Evenity, if she’s really out there. That meant staying away from the other Shades, which was not too hard because I had stopped attending the meet up and Mag only met few people. She had no friends and her own parents questioning her sanity so we were kind of safe.
“You know what I think, Odd?” she asked one time. I forgot to mention that she called me “Odd”, obviously because she found me odd.
“I think The Shades should reveal themselves to their humans, and be friends like us, so human wouldn’t need to desperately search for their soulmate or to feel less sufficient about themselves,” she added.
“That’s not how the cycle works,” I replied.
“Said someone who breaks the cycle,” she rolled her eyes.
“This, what we have here, isn’t love, is it?” Mag asked again, leaning her head on my shoulder. Sometimes I wondered how she could put her head just right as if she’s really laying on my shoulder and not just hanging her head sideways.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know if what I felt for Mag was something I should have felt for my Evenity, if that what love was. All I knew was I cared about Mag, deeply, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for the sake of her happiness, for me to hear that sweet laughter of her.